Incoherent Madness
by Anyanka Black
Summary: This fic is nonsenseical but completly halarious. Includes a chicken delivering a letter, a catfight over a pen, and a mirror insulting the size of Harry's magic wand...in response to JennaPotter's fifteen things challenge on fiction alley.


Incoherent Madness

"And then there was her!"

Exclaimed Harry and every head the in room turned to stare at him. Harry looked around and raised an eyebrow.

"What'd I do?"

Draco rolled his eyes and said.

"You just said 'and then there was her'"

Harry pulled his pen out from the inside of his robe.

"Yes there was her...my lovely pen...Janet."

Everyone looked oddly at the pen, because most of them had never seen one before.

"What the bloody hell is that Potty?"

Harry stroked the pen.

"It's a pen, you write with it, it's like a quill but all the ink's inside."

Draco pounced on the pen.

"Haha! It's mine now! I triumph!"

Harry grabbed the other end of the pen and tugged

"No! I'm the hero! That means I must triumph because good always beats evil!"

Draco and Harry began to roll around on the ground, scratching and pulling each other's hair, each wanting to get the pen. Finally Draco said,

"Alright Harry Pothead-"

Harry cut Draco off.

"How'd you know?"

"How'd I know why?"

"Nevermind"

"Alright, as I was saying. I'll give you back your pen if you let me put your hair in pigtails, then run through the great hall in your underwear while screaming 'pajama party' and then 'hallelujah Draco is a sex god' then exit the scene."

Harry nodded vigorously in agreement and Draco let him have his pen. Harry saw the fingernail marks and sunk to the ground sobbing. To everyone's shock he began to sing...

"I'm sorry that I hurt you.."

The bell rang and they exited their class which had been free period due to Professor Flitwick had been choking on an apple seed and couldn't teach them a thing.

Harry waited for Draco outside the great hall. When Draco finally came he put Harry's hair into little pigtails.

"Alright Harry now remember, you have to be in your underwear."

Harry took off his robe and then his shirt, for effect he swung it over his head like a helicopter. Then he took off his pants. Draco flinched.

"Um Harry were you wearing that BEFORE you found out you would be running through the great hall with it?"

Harry shook his head and looked lovingly down at his pink sequined thong. He them opened the doors to the great hall and strutted in. He then screamed 'Pajama Party!' and began to run. He was almost out the door when Draco cleared his throat. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah! Hallelujah! Draco is a Sex God!"

He then exited the scene. Harry felt good about himself so he was strutting through the corridors when a voice exclaimed

"That's pretty small one you've got there!"

Harry turned around and saw nothing but a mirror. He looked down at the tiny bulge coming from his underwear and called out.

"You haven't seen what it can do!"

The voice spoke again and it was full of distaste

"I don't want to see it; I want to see you use some hairgel."

Harry frowned, and tried unsuccessfully to smooth his hair.

"What are you!?"

He called and the voice spoke again

"I'm the insulting mirror, smart one."

Harry nodded in understanding and walked back to the Gryffindor common room.

When he got there the common room was deserted. He went upstairs and put his Pajama's on before returning to the common room. He then began to shake his Bootay.

"Awwwwwwww! Big Bootay! Big Bootay! Awwwwwwww! Big Bootay!"

Hermione walked into the common room and pushed Harry down into a chair.

"Harry what are you doing?"

Harry snorted.

"Having a Pajama Party! What'd you think I was doing?"

"With just yourself? And that display in the great hall? I think your losing it Harry."

Harry jumped up out of his chair.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M NOT LOSING IT! DRACO FORCED ME INTO IT! I'M THE VICTIM HERE! MAGIC I TELL YOU! MAGIC!"

Hermione edged away from Harry slowly.

"Alright Harry, no need to go caps-lock on me. What does magic have to do with it?"

Harry stared at her disdainfully.

"What DOESN'T magic have to do with it?"

Hermione edged away further

"Um, it has nothing to do with it."

She ran out of the common room as fast as she could. Harry stood up again and continued with his pajama party.

The next day everyone was called to the great hall for an award ceremony.

"And the award for the closest you can get to being a gorilla and still being able to walk on two legs award goes to.......Crabbe!"

Crabbe blundered up to the stage and squinted at the inscription on the award.

"Win-cent Crab-ey, who's that?"

Dumbledore came up to him and whispered in his ear

"That's you."

Crabbe stood there with his eyes glazed, a little bit of drool came out like it did whenever he was thinking. After five minutes he said.

"Oh."

He then walked off the stage. Further awards were delayed by a chicken flying into the room and landing in front of Goyle.

"What the hell?"

Asked Dumbledore, Goyle pointed proudly at his chicken and exclaimed.

"Dis! Dis me chicken! It brung me some letter!"

Dumbledore grinned.

"He uses a chicken for an owl! Crabbe, give me your award!"

Crabbe looked up at Dumbledore in horror and mumbled.

"But it shiny!"

Dumbledore wrenched the award out of Crabbe's grasp and handed it to Goyle. He merely sat there going

"Ooh! Look, a shiny thing!"

Harry, who had just finished his hundredth pumpkin juice jumped on the table and yelled.

"Awwwwwwww! Big Bootay! Big Bootay! Awwwwwwww! Big Bootay!"

Hermione pulled him down and Ron said.

"I think he's drunk!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and said

"He can't be, pumpkin juice isn't alcoholic."

Ron shrugged

"Well he looks drunk to me."

Harry exclaimed in a really high voice,

"Fifty!"

Hermione looked shocked

"Fifty what? And what happened to your voice?"

Harry smiled and held up a balloon

"It changed! And it's the simple answer to 5024/32-6!"

Hermione shook her head

"No Harry, it's Three Hundred and Ninety Six."


End file.
